IC Contact Post

[misterintegrity]

Hey there. You've reached North-

And Theta!

Sorry I'm not here right now. But if you'd like to leave a message, wait for the tone and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Thanks!

Comments

misfire text

[bestsword]

if you and I were squirrels could I bust a nut in your hole?

text

[misterintegrity]

And here I thought you didn't like Freelancers.

[bestsword]

I don't

[wait.

SHIT.]

this is like the fifth time fucking shit

[misterintegrity]

Of course, there are so many people in the address book under "Agent" I'm sure it's difficult finding the right one.

[North you're not even in the address book under "Agent."]

[bestsword]

And your sister is a whole line away from yours

[HE'S DYING ON THIS HILL.]

[misterintegrity]

And yet she's in an entirely different league from you.

[Is he pointing out that his sister is gay as a Georgia O'Keeffe painting or that she's totally out of Tucker's league YOU DECIDE]

[bestsword]

[Either way he doesn't care until it's spelled out for him, good luck.]

Doesn't mean I can't try

[misterintegrity]

Well, it's your funeral. Don't say I didn't warn you. They still haven't found the last guy who tried hitting on her.

[bestsword]

I survived Tex so I think I'll be fine

[misterintegrity]

Tex is a fierce and unstoppable lady in many ways but she is not a militant lesbian. But if you think you can handle it best of luck to you.

1/2

[bestsword]

oh

shit no one actually mentioned that part

ok nvm

[He may be an asshole but he's not a total creep.]

[bestsword]

if she ever hooks up though let me know so I can ask if I can watch

["total" creep]

[misterintegrity]

[So close to earning a brownie point.]

There is nothing about my sister's sexcapades that interests me and we're not exactly competing in the same schools of fish so I am not the man you want for that intel.

[bestsword]

well no shit you're not in the same fishing pool as her, only a creep would try to hit on lesbians knowing they're a lesbian

[Tucker that is so not what he means]

[misterintegrity]

I meant women in general, actually. I'm pretty sure South doesn't require her potential partners to be as extreme as she is.

[bestsword]

Yeah I'm pretty sure other potential partners weren't involved in a crazy ass military program either

text - shortly after paintball tourney!

[failureisntachoice]

Thanks for the invite. How often are you planning on hosting those things?

text

[misterintegrity]

Not sure. People seemed to have fun with that one, maybe every couple of months?

text

[failureisntachoice]

Keep me updated, it was a good use of a weekend. Did Theta enjoy it?

[misterintegrity]

Theta had a blast, of course.

I take it you enjoyed yourself. Maybe next time the other teams will pose a challenge to you.

[failureisntachoice]

Maybe next time he can be in the middle of the fray.

Yeah, you should screen your applicants better. I think the only paint I got on me was from splatter.

[misterintegrity]

Hey now, not everybody can be as remarkable as the unstoppable Agent Texas. The important thing is that everybody had fun.

[failureisntachoice]

Not everyone can be, but they could at least be harder targets. Were most of those people friends of yours?

[misterintegrity]

Some of them I'd never met before. The ones I was really friends with are the ones you know too.

[failureisntachoice]

Then I hope they make repeat appearances. You should let Theta design the next field for us.

[fuckai]

[He's been putting this off since the paintball tournament. Since he'd been there and caught sight of Theta hovering over North's shoulder every now and then. But out of the Freelancers he knows are here, North's... probably the one he knows the least about.

Not that he actually knows about the others, but. Whatever. He's still not thinking about what he does and doesn't know all too much.

So here he is, giving in and calling North, feeling that same surge of something caught between amusement and being off-balance at Theta chiming in. But when the voicemail kicks in, there's a good few seconds of silence before: ]

So are you as batshit as your sister?

[Well. I mean. No one ever accused Alpha of being nice.]

[misterintegrity]

[North feels Theta, in the back of his mind, hesitate at the voice in the way that he doesn't when he talks to any of his siblings. Like a child feels about a relative who he's only heard about and never met.

But he's not wearing his armor, so Theta is unavailable at the moment.]

Surprisingly, that's a term I've never heard from anybody who wasn't one of my sister's exes.

[fuckai]

[Honestly? Theta not being around to interject probably makes this easier. At least on Church's side of things. It makes it easier to fall back into this just being him hitting up some asshole Freelancer and not... well.

Not something a lot more annoying.]

Yeah, well. From what the green guy told me, she doesn't sound too friendly. [Don't bring up Wash shooting her in the head after Caboose shot her everywhere else, Church, whatever you don't bring that up.

-- oh wait, right. The actual reason to this call.]

That doesn't answer the question about your batshit rating, though. So on a scale of-- [He trails off for a second] Holy shit. There's no low end to you assholes.

[The closest he can come up with is "On a scale of Washington to Wyoming, how quickly would you stab someone in the face" and somehow that just... doesn't seem to work.]

[misterintegrity]

[...Honestly, North probably is the low end. Well, York might be lower, since York's never shot a man in half from groin to neck with a repeating laser rifle.

Ah, good times.]

You know, if you can't give me some kind of rubric to compare to, at least try to put it in the form of a question. 'Would you ever' or 'Have you ever, blank' are usually good places to start.

[He sounds mildly amused, definitely just fucking with him at this point.]

[fuckai]

[Church snorts, amused despite himself.]

Fine. Are you one of the assholes who kills people for five bucks and a sandwich, or are you one of the assholes who kills people just because you can?

[I mean. It's basically a would you ever.]

[misterintegrity]

[North chuckles at that, as well.]

It would have to be a really good sandwich to get my services for that price, but I don't usually go out of my way to kill people.

Is this the part where I get to ask you something?

[fuckai]

Wow. A Freelancer that isn't a batshit crazy murderer? Let me just on board the belief train.

[Look, even Wash proved he was a crazy murdering fucker within like. A day or two of them working together.]

Depends on what it is.